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Ted_gay
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Username: Ted_gay

Post Number: 124
Registered: 06-2009

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Posted on Monday, November 14, 2011 - 07:15 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Well I can only speak for gay couples I know or knew - an older generation long before civil partnerships and any sense of formal commitment recognized by society. My partner and I had a strong emotional and social relationship, but were sexually basically incompatable. We had an arrangement whereby we'd see other guys for sex but not get emotionally involved. Also it had to be at mutually agreed times. A gay couple I know who've now been together over 40 years have a similar arrangement. Three other gay couples I knew, only two of these individuals are still alive, also had an open kind of relationship and this was not kept secret from each other. Maybe I'm out of touch and gay men today are now being more secretive. I have no idea, either, what promises are made in the modern civil partnership ceremony - is it monogamy? Or just a promise to care, love and look after each other?
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Loneranger
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Post Number: 2
Registered: 11-2011

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Posted on Monday, November 14, 2011 - 03:40 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

well TED GAY you appear to be completely out of touch with the gay life. You say in part of your posting that =straight couples nowadays all admit if it they are having sex on the side? If so I welcome this honesty. Gay couples have tended to do this for years.= that is not my experience I have been having sex with several GAY guys all who are in a 'so called' stable relationship and are for each other only. There are times I feel like saying to them when I am with them and their partner 'did you enjoy our sex last night' and see what happened but I would never do it as I would not wish to see them have a row or worse break up. but the bottom line is Gay guys are liars just like straight guys}
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Ted_gay
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Username: Ted_gay

Post Number: 123
Registered: 06-2009

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Posted on Monday, November 14, 2011 - 01:14 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Bendy, I don't understand what point you're trying to make. How am I 'living in cloud cuckoo land'? Are you saying that straight couples nowadays all admit if it they are having sex on the side? If so I welcome this honesty. Gay couples have tended to do this for years.



(Message edited by Ted_Gay on November 14, 2011)
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Bendy
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Username: Bendy

Post Number: 114
Registered: 02-2006

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Posted on Monday, November 14, 2011 - 02:58 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

TO Ted_gay
"Straights, apart from the relatively few 'swingers' and 'doggers', seem prefer to lie to each other and keep up the pretense of complete monogamy even when it is a lie. This is not monogamy, it is hypocrisy."
I guess that you live in cuckcoo land.We are living in the 2011,not 1911.It's time to move with the times...
Do it until it hurts then do it some more.....
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partner has sex
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Posted on Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 08:48 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

my partner and I have been together for 54 years. For the first 6 or 7 years we used to row as he liked a lot of sex and I did not and so he looked for it elsewhere and I did not. Then we came to the point of almost going our separate ways until two dear friends invited us for dinner one evening as they knew what was going on. After dinner and over a few drinks they discused this with us and made us realise we thought the world of each other and all my partner wanted was what I could not give sex, sex and more sex. But we came to a compromise and we started cruising together and I used to pick up the trade and he had it whilst I kept watch (often in dodgy places as it was not so free and easy as today) and the strange thing is when we arrived home I WOULD want sex and so here were are all these year later and very happy.
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BJ man
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Posted on Tuesday, April 13, 2010 - 12:13 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Two very good and sensible posts.

I have always thought that being in love and making love to that special person is a lot different from having casual sex with someone.

It a pity that a lot of other people cannot see or understand this and get the two confused. I guess that some people are just not comfortable or confident in their relationships.

My ex and me were in love, and he used to fool around with other guys, I knew it was only sex and that he loved me, always came home to me and told me about it, and I accepted it because I knew it made him happy. This went on for a few years, until the first time I met someone and had some fun, he turned funny with me, and did not want to hear about it, much less the details. When I questioned why, the reply was because he did not like me, or want me, going with other guys. Apparently it was ok for him to do, but not for me, if he had been more accepting to the fact that I loved him and only him, and the other guy was just for a sex act, the same way as I accepted that fact when he did it, then maybe we might have still been together today. I could have gone on seeing other guys and not told him, or lied to him, about them, but in my eyes that would have been an even bigger betrayal of trust.
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Tonmar01
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Username: Tonmar01

Post Number: 8
Registered: 02-2003

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Posted on Monday, April 12, 2010 - 07:12 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Great post, thanks.

I've been with my partner 19 years and very much in love but like most other gay couples enjoy fun from time to time, Mostly threesome/group fun. People have commented that we must be bored with each other if we have sex with other guys, but thats the thig, we have 'sex' with others, but when its just the two of us we 'make love'. There is a big difference there.

We both get off on horny talk, "The last time i/you/we did this it was with...etc.etc.." and that really gets us going.

The main thing with us is that we are totally honest with each other and never go behind each others back. If one of us was to have fun we always talk about it after.
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Ted_gay
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Username: Ted_gay

Post Number: 78
Registered: 06-2009

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Posted on Sunday, April 11, 2010 - 11:55 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

You see it on the TV all the time, especially in the soaps. Heterosexual couples getting all worked up just because one of them has had a bit of nookie on the side. Sometimes it is as harmless as a kiss, as with Ryan and Sophie in Coronation Street, upsetting his girlfriend Sian.

I know my father slept around with prostitutes and waitresses from his restaurant, and this greatly upset my mother. However the way he responded to her questioning him about it wasn't exactly tactful. She asked him why he slept around adding: 'Don't you love me?' and he replied: 'Yes I love you, I love baked beans but I don't want them every night'. Being compared to a baked bean wasn't perhaps the most flattering thing he could have said, though at least he was truthful.

Now I've known many gay couples. I was with my partner 21 years till he died, others I know were together 40 years or more till one of them died, two are still together after 41 years. None of these have been 100% monogamous. One or both partners have had trade with other gays, and it hasn't caused a huge row.

Surely if you love someone and have a strong emotional relationship, a bit of sex on the side isn't going to upset that? I was glad that people my partner went with occasionally were able to give him what I couldn't, and I think he felt the same about me. We were basically sexually incompatible, but had a very strong emotional relationship and cuddled a lot, shared a lot of things together, we were soul-mates.

But even if you are sexually compatible, you might fancy a bit of variety now and again. Some gay couples indulge in threesomes, or go out cruising together. Some straight couples do this as well, but it seems the pretense of monogamy is more often kept up even when one or both partners are 'playing around'. This is probably why so many marriages end in divorce.

Well I'll never understand straight people. An emotional affair which threatens the relationship, yes I can see that being a problem, but this has never happened to any of the gay couples I know. It has just been harmless casual sex on the side, often in a cottage, backroom or cruising ground, and usually anonymous. Neither partner gets insanely jealous - so are my friends unusual?

Straight men and women, however, go beserk if they think their partner has had so much as a kiss off someone else. I'm sure there are quite a lot of monogamous straight couples, and some gay ones too, but it seems gay couples are usually more open with each other and set ground rules for casual sex outside the relationship, etc.

Straights, apart from the relatively few 'swingers' and 'doggers', seem prefer to lie to each other and keep up the pretense of complete monogamy even when it is a lie. This is not monogamy, it is hypocrisy.

Of course we all fancy other people, it is only natural. We all have to take precautions and be sensible with HIV, other STDs and in the case of straight people the risk of unwanted pregnancies.

Providing sensible precautions are taken and couples are emotionally faithful to each other, I honestly can't see why a bit of casual nookie on the side, or a husband seeing a hooker for a bit of fantasy role play his wife refuses to indulge in, does any great harm. But in the straight world, all Hell seems to break loose if this is found out. Most gay couples just take it in their stride, so long as their private ground rules, agreed between them, have not been broken.

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