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Mike47
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Posted From: 86.178.49.96

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Posted on Tuesday, December 18, 2012 - 09:14 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Hello Paul,
I am very glad to read that you are sorting yourself out. Give yourself lots of time. The bitterness you still feel will surely become less harsh. Eventually you will begin to look around you, from a more solid base of your self-knowledge and worth, to share the kindness and affection you have inside. But always keep something back of yourself Paul - if you give someone everything and then lose it all, you have to go right back to square 1. So difficult to do!
I have left my email addy on my underlined username here, in case you would like to talk one-to-one sometime.
Mike x
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Paul 44
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Posted From: 82.132.242.100

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Posted on Sunday, December 16, 2012 - 12:20 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Thanks for your comments guys. I am managing and getting on with things. It is so much easier to go along with things after slowly getting worn down but your advice mike has helped me to understand my happiness and well being are things I am responsible for. I am just angry with myself for enabling behaviours to affect my life when I have always known were not acceptable. There isn't a rule book anywhere that states gay menn have to embrace every type of stereotype in the media. Normal human relationships are all the better when trust, care and support are given and accepted. I for one would never have a relationship with another man, it's far too destructive. I have great friends that I love and care about and that is enough for me. Don't sell yourself short guys, you are worth a lot more than some of the pond life out there . Paul x
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40 years +_open relationship
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Posted From: 195.93.21.71

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Posted on Sunday, November 18, 2012 - 10:26 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

I am so sorry for you Paul being in that situation. My partner and I have been in an "open relationship" for roughly 43 years and fortunately it has worked, maybe because we set "ground rules" first. It was agreed that we would tell each other who and when we had been with someone else and it was agreed we would NEVER stay away for a night. From time to time we have introduced the other person to our partner and ended with a 3 some. Originally it was done as my partner had a far higher sex drive than I. However I am so pleased we have done it as my health has failed me considerably and although I cannot offer the sexual times my partner needs he can still enjoy it and he has never over stepped the mark. I wish you well and hope all will turn out OK for you. Is it to late to sit down and express your concerns to each other and hopefully save the relationship?
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Mike47
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Posted From: 86.168.128.114

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Posted on Sunday, November 18, 2012 - 08:48 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Hello Paul,
Most guys including me on here will sympathise with your situation.
You do have to look after yourself from now on, both physically and mentally. Too many big changes to your life made all together could harm you mentally, because you have a need for stability.
Forget 'partnerships' for the present, absolutely don't start a desperate search for the right man. You are the right man for you at present, love yourself and you will find you become happy with your own company. It will take time to make your own 'world' and it will be worth it. Even a cat or a dog would be always a faithful friend.
Hold on to other people's friendships- there may only be a few- just for simple company, but don't bend their ear with your problems for ever. You will get better at dealing with them yourself as time passes.
Monogamy is a man-made concept, not a basic human instinct, not your ex-partner's or yours, and we have to guard against all the unrealistic expectations that seem everywhere in society that try to support it. You can do this best from the foundation of your self knowledge and self acceptance.
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Paul44
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Posted From: 82.132.214.232

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Posted on Saturday, November 17, 2012 - 10:28 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Hi guys here I am on here again with another year gone by and had a whole weekend of rowing with my partner over a shag he has been seeing. I have found out that for the last 6 months they both are up texting each other all night and after having to ask my partner to borrow his phone have watched him clearing texts off before letting me make a call. He has been to this other guys house who also has a partner and screwed there so both of them are very suited to each other. I feel completely worthless having allowed someone to treat me in the most dispicable way over and over again. I am moving out this week as I have finally had enough. I am embarrassed to say that this wasn't a 10 but a 14 year relationship and he has fucked around behind my back, given me HIV and driven me into the gutter. To anyone reading this, don't let one of these lying predators ruin your life. They are not worth it. I hope at the age of 48 to make a fresh start in a different part of the country and sever all contact with this lowlife. Always value yourself and don't waste your time and energy on people not deserving of it. Paul.
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Same boat
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Posted From: 62.3.206.17

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Posted on Monday, February 13, 2012 - 09:04 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Paul44, totally sympatise with your situation as I'm in one a bit like that too. We've also agreed to an open relationship, which really is fine with me, but he still lies about meeting up with other guys, which is so stupid in the circs and only results in erosion of trust all the way round. I'm coming to the conclusion the agro isn't worth it. Good luck & hope you do what's best for you.
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Mike47
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Posted From: 86.172.168.192

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Posted on Monday, February 13, 2012 - 07:18 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

Paul 44,
Guys change as time passes, if you sit back and objectively weigh up the pros and cons, even write lists of both if it helps, you'll see what you have to do for your sanity's sake. Sex wanes as we get older, maybe he is packing in as much as he can whilst his attractiveness lasts? Perhaps you changed in some ways after 2 years, so he looked elsewhere? It's whether you can ride the waves in this rocky sea until it calms..my personality type (may be different from yours) prizes security, my own home and things. If our home was used like Waterloo Station by my partner, I would have to split, finding a smaller place I could call mine, perhaps inviting him there occasionally on my terms. Difficult to dismantle the things you bought together, the division of valuables, etc. but the goal for me (you?) would be sanity. But maybe you like, or have got used to looking after an uncontrollable personality, would be lost without someone to worry about? Basically if you are not happy inside, do something about it.
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Paul 44
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Posted From: 86.161.204.128

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Posted on Sunday, February 12, 2012 - 03:05 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP Print Post    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only)

hi guys wondered if anyone has any advice regarding open relationships? I have been with my partner for 1o years. We get on well, love each other and everything generally in life is fine other than my partner lies constantly about his obsession with casual sex. I had to agree to an open relationship as afer we had been together for a couple of years it came to light that he was meeting people and having people back to our home when I was at work. I agreed to it as our sex life was non existant and he showed no interest in me anyway. The problem however is that he lies about it constanly and as it is the only rule we have agreed to cannot understand why he seems incapable of doing this one small thing. When I go out, I tell him what I am doing and see no problem with it although I am not obsessed with it. He is spending most of his time messaging people, cruising and had lost numerous jobs as he has been meeting people for sex rather than doing his work. Obviously I know now that he cannot change. It is so inground behaviour and I am no longer sure I want to deal with it. I now find myself withdrawing from our relationship as I dont want to be close to someone who lies constantly. He wants affection from me and friendship and all the things that go with a relationship but would rather spend hours cruising or meeting up with anyone with a pulse. I love him dearly, but after having this drag me down particularly over the last year, I am now seriously thinking of ending it. I know he cannot change, he hasnt been able to even after being caught out lying all the time. I feel it is important to have some boundries in an open realationship but although he told me that it should mean no going on holiday with people, no going out for dinner, no secret meetings ect he has broken all of them. I on theo ther hand tell him what I am doing ( I am talking about going out to a sauna once a fortnight or meeting someone for a shag once a month if that). I dont want my life full of arguaing and fighting and feel I could now walk away. However this is the person I love and I know that is not something you find everyday. I pretty much know what I have to do but wondered about how other couples deal with this? It it better just not discussed at all? Am I being unreasonable by insisting that he mustn't lie about it? When ever it happens, he appoligises and promises not to lie again but nowdays the time between incidents is almost weekly. It cant continue like this I know. Any advice would be very much appreciated.

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